You Ever Talk To Sanity?

Sanity has always lapsed  slipped through my grasp. I've been here for ages and I have only once felt sanity. It was a warm feeling, but it soon faded. I've always wanted to asked what sanity felt like, but when I ask I get shoved and told to be silent it's not time to speak. 

I wonder why I'm here, I mean here.. You know what I'm trying to say?

You have asked this also I bet. But why is it okay for those who claim to be "sane" to ask that same question that rings like a bell in my head over and over again.

 Am I really even here? Or am I already dead?

I've tried to escape this place, but these walls are thick and the padding feels so soft on my bloody finger tips. They told me again that I need to write down how I'm feeling.

The Doctor thinks the journal will help.

Pain
Hate
Anger
Hate
Death
Rott
Burning
Saddness
Pain
Darkness

I've tried this but it doesn't work. It makes me want to rip out my eyes and scratch off my lips. I can't stand to see or speak these words any longer.
I wonder how it feels to rip off my eye lids?

I'm going to do it I'm going to pull my eyes out.
I'm going to do it so I don't have to see these things anymore.

I've started on my left eye..
It hurt but I got it.

I got the right eye now theyd are boths sgone.

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The Daylight

The daylight shined in through the windows, it was a welcoming sight. The night had brought unforgivable and unforgettable memories that will forever live on inside of me. It all started with a simple idea, a plan of sorts to catch some on explained footage that left us terrified and scarred. We decided, we as in Jason, Elsma and I decided to go to the old Pattson house and see if the rumors where true. We packed our bags with different audio recording devices and a few cell phones in case our cameras died.

We got the idea after watching this video of the house on youtube.



  This guy was one of the most brave people I've seen interact with this house. 

I know alot of you might think this is silly because well it's a house what is it going to do nothing's there but animals ect ect.. But you're wrong. So fucking wrong.

The Pattson home was a house that was passed down through the generations of Pattson's they where a creepy bunch, always kept to their self.  The legend goes that Roy Pattson and a thing for the town judges daughter, but the Judge didn't approve. When Roy said he was marrying her anyways the Judge went to take it upon himself to stop this atrocity from happening. He went over to the Pattson Home and found not just Roy but Roys Father, Mother, and Sister all hanging from the rafter. The Judge was horrified and called the local sheriff to come check it out. In the basement they found the Judges daughter and three other woman tied up and bound. They where also declared dead at the scene, the sheriff took the Judge into question and he was the only and most likely suspect. As the story goes the Judge was substantially convicted and hanged for the crimes. But before he was hung he made a clear statement that we all are reminded of daily, "This crime was not committed by I. But I will pay the price for this ruthless nightmare, and I swear whom ever comes near that Pattson home will also pay for this crime"...

Now that you know a little about the house and our town legends you can understand why we wanted to explore it right? I mean who can miss out on the chance of being those guys that stayed the night in the most haunted place in town? So we went, we waited till about 6 pm so we still had daylight to set up and get ready for the longest and what we thought would be the coolest night of our lives.

As the night went on we heard the usual creepy creeks and sounds of the woods. But then as about 11pm hit one of the door slammed, Jason swore it was coming from up stairs. None of us wanted to check it out so we stayed huddled in our "safe zone" as we called it down stairs. We asked spirits questions, thought we heard replies, but nothing to hard core. Then Elsma did it, she asked who killed the judges daughter. It was the wrong question.

I kid you not the house came to life, I don't know if maybe it was a delusion all three of us shared or if it was real. It looked like a brand new house, it looked one again. It wasn't the dilapidated place we went into. All of this happened at about 12am. But I swear it felt like the middle of the day, it was so bright in the house all the windows shined like the sun was out. We heard voices, and we followed them. I'm not sure why, but we felt it was what he had to do..

The voices came from down stairs so we slowly opened to the door to the basement. Jason went first as he was the biggest and thought he could handle anything, Elsma followed and I took up the rear. Jason said he could see movement. Elsma started screaming, I ran back.. I ran so far back that I thought I had left them.. But when I looked back they where right behind me. But not running, they where swinging from the room behind me. They where hanging there. Elsma and Jason both.. Hanging..

I passed out after seeing my friends hanging there.

I guess now your caught up right? I could find them in the house that morning, and the house it self looked like it had before the question was asked..

I've called the cops, talked to my parents.. No one else remembers Elsma or Jason and they think I may have had a mental break down well in the woods. They say I made it up to make sense of the fear I felt.. But I know that Jason was real, I know Elsma was real. I grew up with them...

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Have You Talked To Madness?

Art By Tellosnap

Madness was sweet.

Madness was kind.

Most of all madness was mine.

   
  I met madness and welcomed it. Madness was a friend that spoke sweet whispers into my mind. I never understood how madness found me, but I never questioned it either.  I embraced it and the things it said to me. On occasions I would speak back in the dark laying on the edge of my bed I would mumble how I wish madness could control everything I did and said.

  I allowed madness more room inside me, madness always was beside me. I can't explain the reason why I let madness dry my teary eyes. But I can say this, I've never felt so complete inside. As the years passed I would speak to my old friend in times of needs. When I was being bullied or picked on madness would come to me. There was a child who used to kick and hit me when I was 12, that child fell and never spoke normal again. Madness said it was because of him, but the teachers claimed I pushed the kids and when I spoke of Madness they looked at me like I was crazy.

  I never spoke of Madness by that name again, from then on out Mister Nothing or Mr.N was his name. When my friends would disappear I knew Mr. N took care of those who brought pain upon me. I sit here, now right about Mr. N while he scrapes at my eyes crying to be free, but I know he can never leave me. I just feel him more and more everyday he is stronger then anything I have ever seen.

  The other day Mr.N had me nail my hand to my lap, he said it would make me stronger. My mother didn't know how to react so she packed my bag and took me to a new home.

  Since living here I've learned new tricks. If you shove wires or metal into a socket and put it on your tongue you can really livin' up the place. It's quite fun. My bunk mate used to talk and say mean things but since he lost half his tongue he hasn't been talking much at lunch. We don't share a room anymore. They put me in my own. I must be doing really good because they told me this will now be my permanent home.

  So this will probably be my last letter Todd. But don't be scared I wont forget that I put you in the pond behind my house. I'm sure mom will still wonder what happened to you, but she still believes you ran away because you where scared of the new family. The police talked to me at my new home about you, but I ddin't tell them where you are hiding. I promise it's our secret now. But I know. I'm happy we adopted you.

Bye now.
~--N--~

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